Week 54: Getting over my funk

We went biking on Sunday, in suits, because it took too long to walk.

Week 54 Journal

Monday, July 10th, 2017:

P-day today.  We finished all our normal things and hit Goodwill as well.  I didn't buy anything today, which is unusual.  The Wagstaff’s helped us out again.  Emailing was detoured (again).

We met with a few WMLs tonight before helping move a sister.  Most of the elders quorum was there, it seemed, so for the first time in a long time we weren't the strongest people at service.

During p-day, I got into a bad mood.  It's based off the motivation that I “have” to do missionary work.  I called President Hillier over it; he told me it was normal for missionaries to go through a "mid-mission crisis" of sorts.

It's amazing how much depends on the morning.  Studies and exercise together can make or break a day.

The way I got out of my mood was by not worrying about the future.  Repeatedly, I had been unable to identify why I was so stressed, so I decided to not worry about it.  I had been reluctant to do so before, as problems usually don't go away by forgetting them, but accepting that I couldn't easily identify a specific cause made it easier.

Tuesday, July 11th, 2017:

We got free Slurpees today!  Of course.  There are actually three 7-11s in our neighborhood.  I never knew.

There was an unexpected DL/ZL review today, so while Elder Wagley went to the review, Elder Bade and Elder Haight (the other two district leaders' companions) came with me to two lessons.  The first didn't happen–we really should have confirmed ahead of time–but the other one resulted in a new investigator!  He is young.  His parents and grandparents do nothing to support him spiritually, but his great-grandma has a very visible love for him.

Elder Wagley and I argued today.  Well, we didn't argue, but it wasn't a great atmosphere and pride was on both sides.  Pride is always on both sides.

The good news is I'm getting better at facing my pride.  Slowly but surely.

At dinner, we ate with the bishop's family.  We met a new family and a part-member family.  They all had common interests, so we mostly just observed how the bishop's wife made plans with them for various activities with ward members.

We checked in with Vahid and his wife, Chelsie, but it quickly turned into Chelsie letting us know how she felt.  It was good information, as without it no one would know how to help her.  Sometimes our day looks completely different from our plans because of visits like this.  That's okay, but some things need to be done.

Elder Wagley found a praying mantis and played with it.  It got close to climbing on his neck, though, which he didn't like so much.

Wednesday, July 12th, 2017:

One of our visits turned into a lesson.  There's a family with five kids; the parents aren't very active so only some of them are baptized.  When we showed up, the parents had us go and teach the kids without them in an unceremonial fashion: "Hey kids, go learn about Jesus!"  We put them on-date for August 19th, but I don't know if it will work out.

Elder Wagley and I had an insightful discussion after that.  He explained how if someone is worthy to be baptized, no one has the keys to deny them.  If a kid is going to try to go to church, it falls to the parents.  The kids can be baptized because they are accountable starting at eight.  I had shared a resentment of sorts that some missionaries have toward baptizing children, as it's easy to do.  There is, at times, a distinct impression that the family will probably stop going to church soon after they are baptized.  I still want to verify what Elder Wagley explained with other people.

We also talked about dropping people.  While I knew dropping wasn’t permanently sending a person away, Elder Wagley helped me realize that Katirina knew or had decided she wasn't ready the whole time I taught her.  She would be baptized eventually, yes, but not now.

We passed what I would deem to be an excessive amount of time at church buildings today.  One companion would be sending a text and the other writes lesson reports or something to that effect, but we both subconsciously waited for the other person to do something.

There are times I recognized we needed to go, but for some reason it's like a car failing to start.  The little "kick" doesn't get things started up.  It is okay for me to be like this, as it is imperfection, but I'm working on it now.

I have improved at cooking!  By that, I mean the ability to throw things together based on what's on hand.

Thursday, July 13th, 2017:

Our phones had problems today in their signal.  We learned our phone provider was hacked, causing large service problems nationwide.  Everything was up and running by around 4:00.  In the times our phones didn't work, I realized how slow missionary work was before they could use cell phones.

There was a period of time in the morning where we tried to figure this out.  The zone leaders came over then; I didn't know, but they were going to help us with our weekly planning.  Elder Wagley and I found improvement as we discussed our investigators' needs and planned with those as our focus.  We went quickly through planning thanks to that, but we weren't able to finish today.

We tried to finish at the end of the day, but we argued about what to do if/when we hit three hours of planning.  I need to compromise more, or Elder Wagley does [well, we both do!].  Compromise keeps us from explaining and avoiding hypotheticals keeps us from arguing.

We did the stop smoking program with the sister who was out of town last week.  Hopefully she'll stick to the program and quit.

Friday, July 14th, 2017:

This morning, studies ruled.  I had a fairly good personal study in Alma 13, but it went long.  Elder Wagley was writing to prepare for district meeting for a while, though, so I finished studies, did some phone work (using tasks in the way the zone leaders showed us), and otherwise passed time.  Weekly planning and companionship study took us to district meeting.

District meeting itself was good.  Elder Wagley had us take four mattresses to the meeting, but we didn't get to the part that used them due to time.  Ironically, that part was "urgency."

I got two care packages and a letter from my grandma and my sister, respectively. I assume both packages were from my grandma, as one of them was, but I wouldn't be surprised if my dad sent the other.  [Ed. note: it wasn't from dad!] Both were shirts saying "hump day" with a camel on it.

After dinner, I got into a bad mood.  I had asked the less-active nephew of the single sister having us over why he left the church.  His dad was manipulative, which the aunt didn't know… I didn't see it, but Elder Wagley chided me over the contention I caused. I'm still not sure if I caused it.  Even still, it was enough to send me into a loop of: A) there's nothing I do as a missionary that other missionaries couldn't do; B) I seem to have so much difficulty, fail at quite a few interactions with people (especially lately), and get shortchanged in the redemptive joy or value of missionary work.  So why continue?

I didn't do anything else.  We stayed in.  I was tired of trying to face my trials and only eventually being lifted out of my emotional state with apparently nothing changing.  I didn't want to face these trials ever again, be it tomorrow or two months later or what.

Saturday, July 15th, 2017:

Hey!  I'm 19.5 now!

This day was packed full.  All the activities, or most of them, were undoubtedly things I was helping to accomplish that helped people. It started off by reading a letter Kirsten sent me.  That broke any remnant of the mood I had the day before.

We studied 7-8, prepped 8-9, and went out early.  Our day was so chock full that we had neither the time nor the need to plan, with the exception of lesson plans we did as we went.  Three lessons, four service opportunities.  Biking at times, and meeting with a WML when a lesson fell through.  That's all.

Sunday, July 16th, 2017:

Sunday mornings are weird.  We don't really know if we're going to plan or not.

We went to the 11th ward and stayed with Suaad, Mohammed, and Abdul.  They're getting baptized on the 22nd!  Pray for them, that nothing goes haywire now, please!

We lead a "teaching in the Savior's way" discussion in the 7th ward for two hours.  It's a good way to spend quality time with ward leaders.

We biked back and had a late lunch–the snacks I packed were not enough–and we stayed in to handle logistics and phone work.

Some of the referrals we got that crazy first Sunday of the transfer have missed all the return appointments we set with them, so we're dropping them.

Our area is going well.  We hit SoE this week–standard of excellence–so we're happy about doing that.  Vahid, another man we are working with, just needs to stop smoking; soon we'll have another on date!

There are SO MANY fruit trees in Utah!  We found these giant cherries near the stake center.  They're not as sweet as bred cherries, but they're big and still taste good.