Week 38 Journal
March 20th, 2017:
P-day! We started on time and got
everything done. Yaaaay! Our p-day activity was soccer, then frisbee.
I'm pooped. It was so much fun. I wish I could find a racquetball
court around here--it would have to fit missionary standards--as even one p-day
would be wonderful.
I returned my Nerf gun today. It
feels good. Also, while there were no recognizable spices left on
clearance I did get some pineapple and mango. Tonight for dinner, I made
spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. Tomorrow I'm making chicken
and child for district lunch.
We got out 30 minutes late for
proselyting, but we did manage to visit many people. No one was home,
however.
I'm getting sick, so tomorrow will not be
fun. Ugh. [An update on March 27: I was sick through the week, but only
moderately so, and was well enough to proselyte. I'm almost completely
better now.]
March 21st, 2017:
We had a brief language study with the
sisters followed by a productive stake MLS meeting. We then had a big lunch cheesey
eggs and rice burritos and white chicken chili. We are missionaries,
right?
We're somewhere on the level of college students when it comes to
food budget and time. We then went on exchanges. I exchanged with
Elder Whele. He's pretty funny and he loves Nintendo. He has a heart
condition--basically he has half a heart--and tires very quickly. The exchanges
took forever to end—our respective companions were counseling together
awhile--so Elder Wehle and I talked a bit about video games.
 |
| Exchanges: Elders McKee, Whele, and Gudmundsen |
March 22nd, 2017:
This morning was great! I had a
quick workout, breakfast, and prep, so I had time to write many cards.
I've been less motivated to write in my journal/write cards. If I weren't
emailing it out, I probably would have stopped writing my journal by now. So it’s
good that I’m sending out my weekly updates. It helps keep me motivated.
Yesterday I wrote a letter to President
Hillier asking about grey areas--I may end up sharing it here--but he's going
to talk to us and help me figure it out. I'm super happy--either I'll be
able to loosen up (or at least let my companions be loose) with a clear conscience
or I'll be able to act assured whenever I try to keep exactly to the
rules. I don’t do well with grey areas, and navigating them has been a
big issue for me.
Another part I've been thinking about is
how quickly I adjusted to being a missionary. It has to do with changing behaviors
versus changing nature. I'm going to seek counsel with my mission president about
that too.
We helped Sister Paul clean her yard
before it started thunderstorming. Oh well... The Paul’s are incredibly
nice in how much they help us out. They're like grandparents.
We went to dinner at a bakery/cafe where
they had many options. Have I ever mentioned that I've been considering
opening a restaurant? The two features I’d want to have are: no limits on
toppings in any way (with a lot of choices on toppings!) and a video game theme
(you could play video games there with friends or strangers). Of course,
I haven't thrown it through any sort of reality check, so I’m not sure if it’s
a sound idea.
We talked to a ward's young men tonight
about our missions. It's always a great opportunity to talk with the
youth.
Also, before I forget I want to thank my
parents for putting up with a lot of stuff with me. Seriously. And
thank you to the parents of my companions for putting up with them.
March 23rd, 2017:
This morning was not fun! I'm not
going to recap it in detail. I had a long conversation with Elder Gudmundsen where
he said that I worry too much. I think I'm going to see family services and see
if they can't help me resolve it.
We went to Red Mango with the Paul’s for
lunch. The way we set it up, we really were not proselyting, which seems
strange. But then again, my conversations with my companion took most of the
day so we didn’t get a lot done.
Our dinner appointment tonight gave us
peppermint tea (herbal tea). She ended up letting us have a box of two
different types. While the herbal tea I'd had before was really weak (to
the taste, for me), I loved the peppermint.
We had a stellar lesson with a less active
member in the Palmer Court branch. She'd never really heard the gospel
message, or had it hit home, despite being baptized, but she was very
ready. The lesson was the Plan of Salvation--fitting her questions--and
she felt the Spirit so strongly! It was really she that brought it to
such a level; she really wanted to learn. That's what I needed to learn:
what a prepared person is really like. Also, we needed that great
teaching experience as a companionship!
March 24th, 2017:
I helped a Chinese woman learn how to
play the piano. She was very happy; it was her first year playing but she
was trying to approach a hard piece. I gave her what advice I could and
it made sense to her (at least mostly, she wasn't very fluent in
English). I could be a piano tutor, I guess. For the basics.
District meeting today went well.
It was on the teaching skills. But honestly, I feel like I fail to apply all
of my training from district meetings to my area. I think I could improve
my mindset about studies and training.
We did some weekly planning today because
we didn't finish yesterday. Still, we didn't get to a lot. Elder
Gudmundsen likes to stop and think, which makes me unable to push
forward. Then we get distracted. I've found it hard to plan with
him.
We then went to a dinner appointment. Our
hosts had forgotten, in spite of our effort to remind them. After talking to
them at their house for 20 minutes, they ended up taking us to a restaurant. So
the appointment went longer than planned. Oh well.
Following dinner, we drove home, changed,
and played basketball for the evening with Jack and Abraham. We played
two and a half games to 21, followed by a brief 15 minute lesson.
I'm going to family services on Monday
for what Elder Gudmundsen describes as a high level of stress/worry. I
don't get along well with my companions, despite my best efforts. When I
feel like I should speak up on something (like staying the night playing
basketball) and don't, I feel like I should have. When I do bring things up,
my companions disagree and either or not we really argue I feel like I should
not have brought it up. I see all the things I need to improve without
seeing much of the good. I can't seem to figure relationships out.
I don't know if I'm really changing my nature or not as a missionary. I'm
scared to talk to people. I feel like I have good ideas and should lead
sometimes, but when I do lead, doubts follow. I'm barely motivated enough
to write my journal (some nights it's just a summary), much less type it
up. I feel like I care about those I serve artificially. I know (or
I think) I'm not dealing with depression, sadness, anger, frustration... so
while I don't think my problem should be big at all, it seems to affect me in
some way--why can't I get along? Why do I always have such long weekly
planning sessions? I feel like I'm slipping from my quality of planning,
learning, improving, obedience, diligence, etc. from my first transfers. It
could be because I don't have to go through everything so explicitly. My
planning could be making less of a difference because I've become better at
doing the work even if I don't have a plan in place. But I do believe
it's slipping a bit. I long for home--to sit, do nothing but game for
days, not caring. I cannot easily accept a compliment, nor do I compromise
well--it simply must be resolved. I feel tired--just like I'm already
doing things when I'm not. I feel like I've lost a lot of
"drive" for missionary work. Elder Gudmundsen has told me he's
never been stressed on his mission until he was my companion. I've never
cried as much in my life (excluding infancy) as I have on my mission.
Elder Leterneau said he'd never seen such a divide as was that between Elder
Bach and me. In a selfish way, I'm happy that a recent convert family
hasn't replied to my emails, because I don't want to have more stuff to
remember to do. I do want to hear from them, but sometimes I feel like I have
too much going on. Elder Trincado admitted that he felt like I was trying
to change him. I must be a horribly stressing companion, despite my
cooking, doing dishes, having extra food, being organized... I have my
strengths but I also have my weaknesses. I'm not like most other
people. I see that in the 36 on my ACT and my INTJ personality and
other's natural social abilities I seem to lack. I shoot for perfection,
but I seem to crash on the field. While I may have thoughts of going
home, I know I'm way too stubborn to do that. Besides, maybe these are
growth pains? I'm writing this at 10:46, long after curfew, not having
brushed my teeth, and yet I still write. I see Elder Gudmundsen chew with
his mouth open and I want to point it out but I know the rejection I seem to
always get. I don't know what to do. I'll ponder inwardly over what a
normal person may do, and what our relationship is, and grand implications, but
I don't tell him he shouldn't chew with his mouth open. I honestly know I
need to act with love to be like Jesus, but what can I do when I can't feel
that love? What can I do? I feel like I need to be broken, to be humble,
to truly submit to God's will. But I'm not broken. I'm not really
anything, I guess.
And thus I rest my pen.
*****
~Later~
I was writing that long paragraph in the
moment, and looking back on it now, it sounds like I’m in distress. I’m not. Those
things are long-term concerns, and are not as acute as they sound. I just wrote
it all down to get everything off my chest. It doesn’t include much of the positive,
and I know I have a lot of positive things.
I want to take a moment and say thank you to my parents.
My companion and I were talking with a member in the Chinese ward a few weeks
back and he asked us if we ever wrote a letter of thanks and apology for our
parents. I'd been thinking about that a bit, and wanted to thank you yet
again for the good examples you've been for me. Thank you for your
patience and your love for me. I can't do much in saying thank you to
repay what you've done, but I know I can try to repay it by being good, helping
you and others, and to my own wife and kids.
Wow, that's really weird to think about. I could have
a wife and kid in a few years. Uhhh...
Also, the Slade’s sent me a letter!
I loved it. And Rose and Lilly are expressive artists, as always.
March 25th, 2017:
We did just weekly planning today. We
do a lot of weekly planning. We got a lot sorted out. Still, we were
somewhat unfocused. And it wasn't the whole day; we had studies and
lunch, a meeting with a ward mission leader, dinner, and a meeting with Brother
Wheeler. We're done, though, and we put a lot of info into the AreaBook.
March 26th, 2017:
We had a slow Sunday. We only went to meetings in five
wards. We met a lot of youth. We also visited a WML--Jake, for the Chinese
ward—in between two block times. We taught a lesson to a new investigator
at church, which is awesome as we haven't had a new investigator in weeks.
We ran into John Wise's dad today, from my home stake in
Virginia. Small world.
We brought the sacrament to three houses. One of the
people hugged me and kissed me on the neck. It should have been weird
(and in a way it was), but I felt--in a very small way--like the Savior.
The investigator who was supposed to move yesterday was still
here, so we taught him. Elder Gudmundsen had sent the record to the new
area already but we hadn't synced so I wrote the lesson report on his
record. We'll make a new one for this next week before he moves.
Just part of being a missionary.
We're going to the live general conference session on Sunday
morning. Cool!
March 27th, 2017:
I went to family services today. We talked about my
difficulty getting along with my companions. I’m already doing most of what he
suggested. He said that with practice it will get better with time. It's
really not as large a thing as I sometimes see it. Talking with my
mission president will help as well.
This transfer is almost over. It felt short.
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