February 13th, 2017
We dropped a lot of stuff off at Roy
cleaning today. They're very nice to do it for free for missionaries.
I hadn't dry cleaned my suits for my whole mission so I got some done this
week.
My standalone hard drive might have a
problem, as it often fails to connect to the computer. I think it has to
do with the amount of power available to it. I may not actually be turning it
off, so when I connect the battery might be dead. I'll figure it out
eventually.
For our p-day activity we played ping-pong
& spike ball. Elder Leterneau took a video. After p-day, we had a
dinner and FHE with a family. Elder Bach has been arranging them, and
this one started at 6 pm. We’re supposed to be done with dinner by six, and
combining dinner and FHE usually makes for a longer dinner appointment. I’d prefer
that we try to follow the rules a little better, but since Elder Bach is going home
next week it will be the last time this will happen. As it turned out, we had a
lesson scheduled after dinner, but our appointment had completely forgotten it. And
anyway Elder Bach got a call from President Hillier, so Elder Leterneau and I spent
the time practicing piano/organ. So it worked out.
Then we had a correlation meeting. The
next morning (Tuesday), I realized I had left my bag somewhere. It had a lot of
personal things in it – my journal, hard drive, flash drive – and I would hate
to lose it. (I found it later, though.)
We did not get to make onigiri this p-day,
sadly. Maybe next time…
February 14th, 2017:
We had interviews today. President
Hillier was happy to tell me that I was going to "return" to the mission,
meaning that I would be able to focus primarily on missionary work instead of spending
so much time on doctor’s visits and downtime related to the health issues of my
two companions. I was really happy to hear that.
He also said I have grown a lot. That's
one thing I feel like I don't see very well–while I know I've grown since the
beginning of my mission, I haven't perceived as much growth recently. So when
someone tells me something like that, I have no idea how to respond. I
guess I don't know the difference between being conscious of one's shortcomings,
and humility. I've wrestled with being confident as an adult on my mission. I
feel very self-aware and have been awakened to the idea of being an agent of
change, but it isn't so silky-smooth when I try to apply that. I think that's
one thing I need to work on–recognizing the positive achievements and efforts
of/in myself & others–throughout my mission. That may be what's
limiting my happiness as a missionary and in general. I still at times doubt my
testimony that God exists, but it's as with a grain of salt. I've found a
beautiful understanding of the purpose and principles in the gospel so my
testimony is not very easily shaken.
One thing I fear is failure. I guess
that is a common fear. I fear I will fail to become better, that I will
regress, that my efforts will not be enough. Even with the light of the
gospel that I have in my life, my fear still exists. I fear saying the
wrong thing at a door. I fear making the wrong choice in choosing a college,
or of not getting along with my future spouse. I deeply fear the moments where
I cannot feel gratitude when I should, or feel sadness when it is provoked, or feel
happiness when fortune comes unexpectedly.
Now, "fear" is not a word used
lightly. Understand, however, that while these feelings of fear are sincere,
they are not debilitating. These fears hold very little sway over me.
But I write them to make my journal more complete, more whole.
Since I’m confessing my fears, I’ll add
some other things that I would not normally share. In the moments where I miss
home the most, it is usually things, like hobbies or habits or sleep, instead
of family or friends. I believe this is because I recognize and understand
my sacrifice. My love for my family comes from the same area of thought as my understanding
that I have set my personal relationships aside while on my mission. I
have found it harder to set aside things, like sleeping in, video games, doing
complex math, etc., perhaps because those come from a different area of thought
as human relationships, so their absence affects me differently.
I still miss home, however, at times
where I see someone who reminds me of a family member, or I see pictures of
home, or even this morning when I finished scraping tuna out of a can this and
started to call Nephi (my dog) so he can lick it out.
Another such thing I miss is the ability to
discover more fully who I really am. I want to explore the many careers
ahead of me and find new hobbies, cultures, etc., but I can't really do this on
a mission. Honestly, I haven't thought about it as much because I know that’s
not an option right now, but I look forward to doing that.
One feeling I can really relate to is
having too much to do in a day. Each day there seems to be more things to
do than hours in the day. It does feel very gratifying when on any particular
day I am able to do all I had set out to do, however. Sometimes I try to pay as
much attention as possible to a moment, cycling it through the details of each
of my senses. It makes my life seem more vivid because I experience and
remember more.
I've been wondering about joy. Elder
Leterneau tells me that God would want us to feel complete joy, even as
missionaries. But I feel that as missionaries we are restricted in what
we are able to do and experience. So "joy" as a missionary is very restricted
and different. I think it becomes a matter of not worrying too much versus not
worrying too little. But sometimes I don't recognize what is from the
spirit and what's not. So I'll try harder to just stop worrying as much
and instead focus on doing what's right, especially in trying to get along with
my new companion.
*****
Okay. With that inspired writing
done, on to more mundane things.
Today is Valentine's Day (something that
didn't really affect us missionaries) there was no Elders' Quorum basketball
tonight, so we went to English class. We were not alone in that idea; there
were 11 missionaries there. Once again, somehow we didn't manage to visit
anyone today. How does that happen? And I found my bag! It was at
the Chinese ward building, where we had practiced piano and organ.
February 15th, 2017:
Elder Leterneau and I did the daily planning
for the day while Elder Bach was in the shower. We had a good amount of
open time, which is pretty rare, so we were able to go out and visit many
people. That, combined with the good weather, made this day a really good
day.
Elder Bach has been told in no uncertain
terms from the medical team at church headquarters that he has to go home.
They expressed their surprise that Elder Bach had even been permitted to the mission
field, and were amazed that he lasted as long as he did (7.5 months). So both
Elder Bach and Elder Leterneau are going home, and they have begun checking
out. We tried to do some weekly planning, and our schedule is crazy the
next few days. That, combined with my two companions both going home early on
medical released is going to make it a little bumpy.
The two investigators that we had set for
baptism on February 19th (Jason & Zhiwei) probably will not be
ready. Our lesson on Friday will let us know for sure whether the baptisms will
be postponed. Elder Bach is taking that hard; he wanted to see them baptized
before he went home.
I feel like my learning Chinese is going
pretty well! I learned how to say months (月) and
days (星期). I'm doing a lot of
"scattered" learning for right now (reading, pinyin, vocabulary,
grammar, and writing).
February 16th, 2017:
Today was pretty normal. We had
three lessons (Andy, a new investigator, and Leigh & Jason). The highlight
of today was our lesson with Leigh and Jason, two less active members. While
we had met them for a while, this lesson went way off the beaten path. Jason
told us the situation he's in with divorce lawyers pinning him down, being falsely
accused of fraud, and people trying to get him legally defined as crazy even
though he's not. During our lesson, I bore my testimony to him. I mean really
bore it, with the spirit fully flowing. I've only done that maybe four
times on my mission. I cannot tell you how much I missed that feeling,
without knowing it!
Our dinner appointment was the very last
house in Emigration Canyon, as far North East as you can get in our area.
It was a very tasty Danish dinner. Then we attended a ward correlation with the
new ward mission leader in the Saint Mary's ward. He ran what I believe was the
best correlation meeting I've ever been in. Too often in ward correlation
meetings we will talk without making concrete plans for action, or maybe we make
plans but the meeting way too long. But this meeting was to the point and
with specific action items. I think I can learn a lot for weekly planning from
him.
What a day! Man. I wish I
could look back on every day of my life and say, "what a day."
February 17th, 2017:
We had our departing missionary temple
trip today. It was really spiritual. We had a district meeting after the
temple. The training was on how to study well. It is amazing how we
always can improve in missionary work, no matter how good we already are.
The departing missionary testimonies were great. I don't believe any missionary
fails to give a strong departing testimony–which is to say, it is amazing to hear
about the growth and gratitude in each person.
We had a lesson with Rick and Dauri, a
dinner at Olive Garden, and a lesson with Jason and Zhiwei. For Jason and Zhiwei,
we had hoped that they would be baptized soon, but it looks like they're not
going to be able to join the church anytime soon. They are students visiting
from mainland China, and their situation with the Chinese government is more complicated
than we knew, and with recent political changes is getting even more
complicated. During the lesson, I felt overcome with concern for their
welfare. I wanted things to go better for them, more than I was worried about
my own welfare. It is probably (in part) due to how blessed I've been and
how much they are in need.
February 18th, 2016:
Today we're basically preparing for Elder
Bach and Elder Leterneau to go home. They're packing everything up. I'm
preparing to take over the area. I am just waiting for transfers at this point. I
don't really want to say that–I'm doing what I can–but it is accurate.
~Later~
We wrote a report for the Chinese ward,
as we do every week. We had a lesson with Abraham and Jack, two high
schoolers on international exchange from China. We've been teaching
Abraham for a while and he's made so much spiritual progress! It is
amazing. Youth are so ready to grow.
We went to Braza again. My favorite
is definitely the chicken.
We also had language study with the
sisters. I've gotten really good at Pinyin–it's all about knowing and understanding
what the sound is and practicing with a native speaker until you're able to do
it.
February 19th, 2017:
Elder Leterneau had his departing
interview today. President Hillier was so swamped that Elder Bach will
have his departing interview tomorrow.
I've been using flashcards to help me
learn Chinese. I have memorized the following: please, name, character,
question particle, past tense particle, surname, ask, which, what, good, you,
you (polite), I, # 1-10, country, to be, expensive, and to be called.
We gave talks today. Elder
Leterneau hadn’t actually been asked to talk, but we thought he was. After
checking with the Bishop, I asked him to give some thoughts after I finished my
talk.
It looks like another busy p-day
tomorrow, but maybe we’ll be able to make onigiri!
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| Elder Brothers and hsi two departing companions, Elders Leterneau and Bach |
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| Departing missionaries temple trip |
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| Not ready to go! |
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