Week 24: Understanding myself!

Week 24 Journal

December 12th, 2016:

Wow! My first mission journal is almost completely full! I'm going to have to get a new journal soon.  

P-day was today.  I got my emails sent out and my photos mostly sorted.  I also got a package from my father with Chinese learning materials, which is great because we're doing language study with Sister Shang tomorrow.  Thank you dad!  I'll finally be able to learn on my own!

I've been cooking a lot recently.  I made my white chicken chili today, but Elder Bach really likes the chicken stroganoff so I'll make more of that later.

For P-day, we went out to a member's house.  I wrote cards for most of the time.  The member had an entertainment center, a nice kitchen setup, and even provided Chick-fil-a!  Most of the other Elders played in the half-court basketball room or played pool.

December 13th, 2016:

We studied with the sisters today for language study.  We ran through that book my dad sent and it really helps a lot, especially when it comes to customs and culture.  Most of the Chinese people over here are more Americanized, so knowing Chinese customs isn't as strictly important, but it's still nice to know.

Elder Bach's arm was so swollen this morning that he couldn't get up until 9:30 because it would hurt too much.  He had cancer in his arm as a teen, and while that was successfully treated, there are some residual issues. He had another doctor's visit today after language study (during which I read the Chinese book), which lasted for an hour and a half.  I haven't asked him how his physical conditions affect him, but I can tell he has a lot on his plate.

Also today, we had a correlation with one of the ward's mission leaders.  It's the first time we've had individual outreach from the wards and it is a really good sign.

December 14th, 2016:

We went to another doctor's appointment today for Elder Bach.  I studied more Mandarin.  I'm learning, but slowly.  It's okay, though--the language study materials my dad sent really help.  The Flashcards are cool because they show the system behind the characters, especially radicals (the base of every character; i.e. water related characters normally have the water radical in them).  While I wouldn't be learning all the characters, the basic understanding is easy enough and can help me guess at the meaning, if needed.

Some construction workers came over to our apartment and shut off the gas.  They're installing Google Fiber in our street.  While they were here, they found a gas leak!  So, our heat is shut off.  Dang.

I'm going to get up at about ~5 AM tomorrow to throw some stuff in the crock pot for lunch and then going right back to bed.  The zone leaders are coming over and having a companionship study with us, so we've made plans for lunch afterwards. I'm short on time, so goodnight!

December 15th, 2016:

I learned a lot about myself, my Autism, and others today.  At the end of today, we came to the subject of our relationship--we were in companionship inventory--and I talked about how I felt like I wasn't able to do as much as I could do or wanted to do.  This led into us agreeing that our area was very last-minute in nature, due to both the schedule of our investigators specific to our area and the nature of most mission activities.  We also noted that Elder Bach might not think to tell me of an activity right away when he found out about it, adding to my confusion.

After that, we discussed some things that had been bothering me.  One was not knowing what Elder Bach had set up, effectively getting even less notice than he did, but the others were more like dinner (not talking with your mouth full, following the host's lead for utensils, etc.), and talking (noting the reactions of others, otherwise "politeness" in various levels).  What I found is Elder Bach often didn't think about those things, whereas it was everyday practice for me.  Although I realized this later, it makes sense to include it now: He had often told me that to him, sometimes my mind went a mission miles a minute, but this only made sense to me as I thought about it in a social context (I previously thought he meant planning).

I also expressed my concern over his driving car (safely, and being aware of what other people might think of his more reckless style of driving. This concern was less about being in danger that is was about the feeling of being safe. Elder Bach’s driving is sort of like my dad's driving.  [Note from Garrett’s Dad: Elder Bach must be a wonderful driver!] In none of these activities do I mean to criticize Elder Bach, as they aren't inherently wrong; you'll see as I explain but I use these to exemplify my differences.

During our discussion, here's what I realized about myself:

• Growing up, I didn't have the natural ability to pick up on things like manners; they didn't make sense to me or I didn't know about them.  Really, I didn't understand them.  I still don't sometimes. What I mean is that is, as a kid, I would dash through the school halls, not caring if I shouldered someone along the way. Or I would eat a meal by making a sandwich by putting a portion of everything on my plate between whatever form of bread available (because I thought it tasted better that way).
• At some point I changed.  I noticed.  I cared.  But I did not have that natural understanding.  So, I tried to learn.
• I am a quick learner in many things.  So, I suddenly flipped a switch, it would seem to others.  I had some manners.  Even with my quirks, I was much better behaved.  I finally understood it was important to care about what others thought.  But my knowledge was incomplete.
• Since I have been called to serve as a missionary, I noticed more things that I need to work on about myself. Among other things, sometimes on my mission I can't tell if someone is serious or not.  I seemed to do fine at home, but these are all new people.  Perhaps it's because humor varies by region, but ultimately I wasn't sure. Do I dare offend someone as a missionary by acting like they're kidding when they may be totally serious?
• I’ve learned to not put a limit on my awareness of manners and others.  I learned and observed.  The more I did, the better I seemed to act. As a result, the more I changed in this fashion, the better (or so I thought).  But as Elder Bach pointed out, my mind seemed to go a million miles a minute.  Because it does.  While I had done so much of this observation-based learning, I had never thought to put a cap on it.  It became that I strived to avoid doing anything that could give offense!  I was not very shy, though, because I learned how I fit in well and usually could be very confident while still being mindful.

Let me exemplify it with a conversation we had as a couple drove us back from dinner.  The husband ended up talking to Elder Bach about cars.  The husband decided to show us the turbo on his car by accelerating very quickly with a fair amount of traffic around.  The wife was uncomfortable (like I am sometimes when Elder Bach drives, although we were probably safer as he paid more attention to the road while he did this, but she felt less safe).  Here's what went through my head:

• The wife is uncomfortable, as the husband's driving seems unsafe. He’s doing it in front of the elders.  It’s different if it was just the two of them without the missionaries. This it just would be something between them.
• But Elder Bach is egging him on, so while she might not feel judged, she may judge herself.
• I feel like I should do something to stop them, but what?  Criticism, directly or indirectly, may not be taken well, so I should change the subject.
• I haven't been engaged in their conversation, so I can't really just jump in with an abrupt change of subject.  I sit and try to jump in the conversation a little bit before I change the subject, but they don't have many breaks where I could talk.
• Eventually, they switch off the subject and the husband starts driving normally again.

So that’s an example of a typical mental exchange for me.  Doing that is really second nature, and the only times it causes me stress are when I'm in a new interaction. When I came out as a missionary I had to figure out where I fit in, as I only knew my role as a student. Anytime I’m with someone who doesn't understand how my mind races through scenarios, it can be discomfiting.

I believe this is also why I take games so seriously.  I lack that moderation that's natural for many other people--for them it's not something they have to learn!  Games: how serious I should be; social conduct: how much I should worry. I think this is what causes social anxiety in some people--they recognize that there may be some kind of rules of conduct they should follow, but they can't figure it out so it's stressing and uncomfortable.

These realizations were a huge opening of my eyes.  I can't explain it fully, just like I can't explain my jumps in testimony, but it's nice to finally be able to have a better understanding of how my Asperger’s has influenced my social interactions, and how over-processing events can sometimes be unhelpful. 

December 16th, 2016:

Some other things yesterday:

• We met a member named Brother Riddle.  He told us about an interesting finding method for our area called "business contacting."  The idea is that you approach a place of business asking to set up a display with pass-along cards.  This will normally get the owner or manager involved, who will naturally want to know what you're doing.  This is a perfect contacting opportunity.  It was an interesting idea, but I have to ask President Hillier about it first.
• I got about six boxes for Christmas yesterday along with a few letters.  I don't know what to say!  I haven't opened them yet; I had Elder Bach peek inside to see if it was anything Christmas related, but they were all gift wrapped inside the box so it was fine.  Some of them weren't gift wrapped, so they're opened but I don't know what's inside.  I'll know next week!

We had service today with an investigator from the People's Republic of China (a funny name for a country).  We were designing posters and it was pretty fun--a good change of pace and something we don't normally get to do--but as we helped him out we talked.  We found out a lot about his culture.  (Lost moral values.  Dishonesty because they see the rewards others get when they lie.  Mistresses because of the one child policy.  Spies.  Uncertainty.)

President Hillier interviewed us today.  I learned a lot about how he wants to help the mission; it helped me know how to help in what little ways I can (mostly by changing myself).

We had a lesson with an investigator today, but because of some confusion with the phone he thought it was tomorrow.  We ended up talking to the priest we brought with us for an hour because we thought he was coming the whole time... it made me think about what I would tell myself if I could go back in time to before my mission.

Our heat is back on!  Yes!  It was really tough for Elder Bach to wake up to a cold house.

I found out how to fix the lag with LDS music.  You can go into settings and set a language to download in the background.  I did this, but I had to wait a while when opening LDS music on wifi.  I found out the download option is a switch, not a button; it constantly checks for updates.  So if you have problems opening LDS music on wifi, check that those switches are off.  It will not delete the music.

December 17th, 2016:

I talked with Elder Bach more today on the missionary standards.  He responds well--he's open to feedback and fair about it, which is awesome.

I've come to love the wool trench coat I found in Evanston, but I still need my Ms. Mac heavy winter coat for Wyoming-level cold.

I got a strange package from a CTR ring company.  I ended up reaching inside and feeling what it was before stopping myself.  I don't quite know what it is, though.

We went up to Layton to contact a referral.  It's a town just south of Ogden.  Hi Chelsea!  (We didn't actually see her but we were less than 25 miles away.)

December 18th, 2016:

One more week until Christmas!

P-day tomorrow is going to be crazy; Elder Bach needs to do scans for a long time so I'm going to be with the zone leaders.

We went to our first ward council today.  Yay!  That's one hard thing about being assigned to an entire stake as a missionary--there's very little time to get to know the members or work closely with each of the wards' leaderships.

In response to a letter from my dad:

There are eight wards in our area and two branches, but we don't do much work in the branches.  The Chinese group is a ward.  We have a few investigators, two we're probably going to drop soon, two we're really hopeful for, and one who we think will get baptized soon (depending on how things go...). 

Our apartment is huge--at one point it held four companionship--so it's pretty cool.  We only have one bathroom, which is why they don't have four companionship in there anymore. I'm glad I have enough space for my clothes to be somewhat organized. 

We've gone to a lot of Christmas parties ourselves.  It's a good way to meet the members.

Oddly enough, the food I've had most a member’s homes is breakfast for dinner. Apparently a missionary told one family that they never got breakfasts.  I didn't have lasagna until one week where we had it three nights in a row. We don't have a ton of pasta regularly. 

There's a good amount of snow as it stands right now.  The Salt Lake valley is pretty good about clearing it quickly. As for snow boots, I will not need another pair unless I go to a walking area.  You’re right, if I need a pair I can just get some that fit me correctly. I don't think I would need any snow traction devices on my shoes or boots, at least not here in a car area.  It can get pretty icy at times, but it's not really enough to justify getting those.  I guess the questions would be: do shoe traction devices get damaged when walking on asphalt, sidewalks, or otherwise?  Also, does it damage floors or carpets when worn inside (or alternatively, is it easy to remove and put back on)?  If it's not durable over non-icy floors or if I risk damaging others' floors, it wouldn't be worth it.  But right now I don't need them.  I could still use tem, yes, as there's still ice around and falling is still a risk that would be nice to not deal with, but it's not necessary right now as that risk is pretty minimal.  Thank you for looking into it!

The zone leaders go to the mission office at least once a week to pick up packages and we see them regularly so we get packages weekly down here. Thank you for everything!  Really!  I feel a little guilty now, as I've did the approximate math for all the packages you and others have sent me and it costs a lot to mail those packages.  I love getting letters, though.  I try to share with other missionaries as much as possible, and I do feel better every time I have something I know was sent to me, but really I don't know what to say at this point.  I've been very blessed.

One day's worth of boxes: Christmas must be near!

Note the Chinese name tag

Elder Brothers and Elder Bach