Following is Garrett's email from his first week in the mission field. His email address is garrett.brothers@myldsmail.net, and his mailing address for letters and packages is:
From my journal:
Elder Garrett Brothers
242 Laredo Rd
Apt. 10
Apt. 10
Evanston, WY 82930
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
From my journal:
July 25th, 2016 (continued from last week):
~later [after I sent my weekly email]~
We
just had a fire drill [at the MTC]. I'm mostly packed; I'm writing in my journal outside the
dorms right now. What a way to go out--we all started singing hymns. I
should note that we started with "The Spirit of God," but the people singing
only got loud enough for most to hear when they sung "...like a fire is
burning..." How clever.
I just hope this isn't a prank [but is a mechanical issue].
Anyhow,
we had a good testimony meeting tonight. I've decided to believe the
gospel, or at least really try to believe. We'll see how these next two
years go!
[Note: you'll see from my later entries how that's gone...]
July 26th, 2016:
I'm
on the bus right now! We're going! This is unreal. And hot. It's
hot on the bus. Anyway I hope to call home soon, surprise!
Missionaries can call home when leaving the MTC! [Note: I did not get
to call home. They told us that airport-bound missionaries got to call
and they mentioned something about letting us call but it never
happened. ~.~]
We just passed the BYU stadium. It's really close to the MTC. I don't yet know if I want to go to BYU or Carnegie Mellon.
We're getting off the bus and going on a train!
~later~
We're at the mission home right now. We're about to jump into things!
~later~
Wooo!
First day on the field! I'm in Evanston, Wyoming, and we are the Evanston South Stake. We cover 7
wards and 1 branch, but one ward is far away so we don't really do much
in it [Note: we will later, it's just that this month my companion was
tight on miles so we couldn't drive out there at the time]. We also
don't really work with the branch [it's a small area for elderly
people--basically a nursing home--and the elder couples cover it. We
don't even have the records for it]. But still, that's a lot of people.
As a side effect of having so may wards, we constantly get fed dinner. People are eager to
feed the missionaries because it's only once every seven weeks for their
ward and there are six slots available each week.
P-days
are Mondays out here. And when I unpacked my garment bag, I made the
mistake of not putting my shirts away properly. So all my shirts
are wrinkled. I'm going to heat them in the dryer later [I have
wrinkle-free shirts so they just need to be heated and hung up to
un-wrinkle.]
Anyway, feel free to send all the
care packages you want. Even empty boxes--that would be so funny it
would probably make my day. Although if you send an empty box you might
as well send a full one :).
I have to unpack and do other stuff now, bye!
July 27th, 2016:
First
full day! Whoo! We got put in charge of the Spanish Branch today--the
Spanish speaking missionaries were transferred out so it fell to
us--which means we cover 8 congregations.
We only
taught one lesson today, and we haven't gotten to eat dinner with any
members yet. We missed the first DA due to transfers taking a while, missed
the second because it was a ward dinner party, but we got a lesson in the
Spanish branch when we were put in charge of it. I'm told we should have DA's pretty much all the time here.
We contacted a lot of people but pretty much no one is home. Oh well.
My companion is good--he's really obedient and motivated.
We
have an apartment with a washer, dryer, ironing board, and dishwasher
(although we normally don't have enough dishes to use it). Also,
there's a lot of nice people out here who give us free stuff--four
restaurants and a dry cleaning place--which is awesome, given that we
only have $120/month for food and other necessities.
Speaking
of which, I'm really glad for the care packages people have sent. I'm
planning on writing more thank you cards soon but I haven't had time
& didn't want to send them from the MTC in case they got returned by the mail service. But I'm really glad. I would like to thank the
Richardson's as I appreciate the thought they put into it, even Beckham,
but I'm afraid I'll have to send his baby bottle back. :)
At
this point I have enough Pocky sticks that people have sent to me--I've been having one in the
morning--but I would really love granola or oatmeal. Never did I think
the prospect of receiving such things would make me happy.
Also,
please continue to send your prayers and your letters. I don't think I
could ever get enough of those. I love to hear how things are going.
To mom and dad: I think about you every day and I miss you! I keep the family photo out so I'll see it every day. Could
you please send photos of Nephi (and also Jason, I think it might be
weird to have a photo of just him so could you please send one of him
and Kirsten)? Thank you!
Also, we have iPad
mini 2's; I was wondering... could you please send out a life-proof [or
other good] case? I've seen grey and turquoise cases, so it doesn't
need to be black per say, but not pink (or something). We get chargers
and a very basic case already, but I would love a solid case. If you're
feeling super generous a wireless keyboard would help, but it's
not essential as I'd only use it at the apartment. It would be faster
to write e-mails and lesson plans, but really it's completely up to you!
Anyway I gotta go to bed soon!
July 28th, 2016:
I've
introduced a cool plan to the bishops I've met. I've really been
focusing on getting the members involved, and as such I was hoping to
have an activity where every member gets a Book of Mormon and writes their
testimony in it in preparation to give it to another person. The
reception has been very positive so far which is great.
On
a less important note, for exercise time we've been going to a crossfit
gym. We haven't done the exercises--yet--but we may start soon. We
had our first member dinner, in which they fed us pizza (so of course we
already had pizza for lunch on that same day). Anyway, at the house
one of the kids was training for archery. These two things are
related because I thought it would be cool if I trained for archery
while on my mission by using the archery training thing like the boy
had. It's a metal pipe with four exercise bands of varying
lengths--there's a pad to hold the pipe in the middle surrounded by a
small band which is surrounded by a bigger band--you pull
more bands back at once in reps as you build more strength. I'm going
to get details (hopefully?) on some p-day. It may not actually
happen. I don't know.
Also, we met a member who plays racquetball and would love to
play with us. Mission rules prevent us from going to public gyms unless it's p-day (the
crossfit gym is private; missionaries are invited) so
we can only go at most once per week.
My food
situation is pretty solid; sadly we don't have much time to cook so I
can't use a lot of recipes from the various cookbooks [Note: I did
discover we had a crock pot so if you guys have any good slow-cooking
recipes I would LOVE to hear some of them. Also some basic dos and
don'ts for a crock pot would really help]. A general rule is that anything
with more than 30 minutes prep/bake time isn't possible. If it could be
stored after being prepped (or otherwise broken down into smaller steps
and be stored between steps) and cooked later it could be 30-30.
I'm going to get ready for bed now! Caio!
July 29th, 2016:
Ugh...we
just got back from our workout. We started with a one-minute all-out
attempt to burn as many calories as possible on the stationary bike.
That ended up being the only thing we did. It wore us out. It was
really hard for me as this area is at about 7000 feet above sea level,
so I'm not adjusted yet [the air is very thin].
July 30th, 2016:
Wheredoesthetimego?
We've been striking out so far. We will knock on doors and no one will
be there (when we're trying to visit to set up a lesson), they are not
interested (potential investigators), or we'll be holding a lesson and
the person we scheduled with will just not be there!
Anyway it's kinda frustrating but I'm still trying to stay positive.
My companion is Elder Owen from Michigan. He's into yo-yos--his
previous companion got him in to it--and it looks really impressive,
despite the fact that he's a beginner. He's our district's leader, so
he has to do call-ins with everyone in our district, which means he
doesn't get a lot of time to prep for bed.
July 31st, 2016:
I had a weird dream last night... [At
this point I have chosen to omit this part of my journal because I
spent a lot of time in my journal describing a vivid dream, but I'm
running out of time to write.]
~later~
"Journal of an Optimistic Pessimist"
I
gave a talk in sacrament meeting today. Or, rather, one of the
sacrament meetings; we are in charge of so many wards that we attend 4+
per Sunday.
I felt like it didn't go well, but
Elder Owen said it was really good. Here's the second half of what I
said, which is my testimony and more:
**********
"My
whole system of belief has been based on logic. I'm one of those
people who has to come to understand something before accepting it.
It's often shown strange results. One of the conclusions I have come to
is that science cannot explain nor prove the existence nor
non-existence of God. It goes like this:
- Everything in the scriptures could be interpreted two ways: either symbolically, which would mean science really doesn't have anything to prove or disprove, or literally.
- If it is the latter (which in itself is hard to prove), I would not be convinced of an error in the scriptures because, in my limited experience, so few things are certain and unchangeable in the scientific community for me to give such grand credibility to the experiential results on such an important topic, even if I were the one conducting the experiment!
- One example of science and religion co-existing is this: God could have created man through evolution. This, and other things, implies science is not only how we understand much about our existence but also how we understand a very small part of God's works.
Therefore, it is not possible in my view to
scientifically prove or disprove religion. And if you have found a way,
please come tell me after sacrament meeting because that would really
help some of my investigators.
Another
side of the coin is to examine the actions of those who represent the
church on Earth--which is to say, to examine the Prophets and Apostles
to test the truth of God. Now, such an investigation has a major flaw.
Let me give you this example: if you tried to know what color light is
by putting two mirrors across from each other and looking as "far in" as
possible, you'd be compelled to say the light has a green hue.
However, this is because the mirrors are imperfect. If the mirrors were
perfect and you looked in as far as you could, you would see that the
light (assuming it started as white) remains white.
Similarly,
the Prophets and Apostles are not perfect. No man is, save Jesus
Christ. So examining and judging the light of the gospel through any
man is an imperfect exercise. Our knowledge of God is not complete, and
it may be subject to change; however this does not mean God changes.
You
may be wondering, now, why I chose to share this with you. Well, it is
simple. I can testify that science is not enough. That is a scary
thing for people like me to accept. We cannot know by a scientific
method; rather, we must gain a belief through a spiritual method.
Now, before I go on, I want to share with you what I have reasoned out through long periods of thought:
- We can't prove the church is true or not true, at least not scientifically.
- The spirit may come through feelings; it is very hard to explain. I will return to this point.
- (and this is partially why I decided to go on a mission) The church may or may not be true, but it is good.
I have explained my first point already in detail; now I would like to explain my third point.
A
church, defined simply, is a community of people who wish to make
themselves better through a common set of practices and beliefs. We are
all struggling in some way or another--even the best of us--and so we
seek the aid of others to help us in ways we cannot. But the curious
thing is that when we come closer to God, we become better people.
Let's
turn to the scriptures. Moroni 7:13. "But behold, that which is of
God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, everything
which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve
him, is inspired of God." Let's examine that. Service to others in the
church and other similar things are obvious, but what about things like
prayer? Well, prayer invites us to reflect on who we are, how we've
done, and what our covenants are. And what are our covenants? Baptism,
the Temple, marriage, the sacrament...all are promises to God that we
will try to be better. All change our attitude, mood, actions, habits,
personalities, thoughts, and feelings to become better people. I can
say that with absolute unarguable certainty, even without such a sure
knowledge of God or the church.
That is the
primary reason I went on a mission. I don't think I could ever serve if
I knew I would be hurting anyone. The other reasons why I served are:
- I wanted to be more mature. A mission would help me grow; I knew that.
- My family. I didn't feel pressured to go--at least, most of the time--but they were always there to talk to when I needed to reason something out beyond what I could do alone.
- I knew that even though I was only thinking of selfish reasons why I should go I knew that not going would be even more selfish, even if I didn't know why.
- I had never met someone who regretted going on a mission, but I had met many who regretted they didn't. Even among those who later became less active.
- Finally, I wanted to gain a testimony. I only really started to examine my beliefs when I was 16 or so, but from that point forward I had always been critically questioning them. An important step in analyzing an argument is called "The Principle of Charity," where you cast all objections and doubts aside, no matter what you thought of it, and try to understand the argument--and, by extension, what the author thinks about it--as much as possible before you point out its flaws. The concept is that if you never let yourself understand something, you cannot truly argue against it.
Now,
all that being said, I return to my second point. The spirit may come
through feelings, and it is very hard to explain. I realized this as I
sat in the testimony meeting near the end of what felt like a very long
four-day pioneer trek. The girl speaking had said very little relating
to this revelation, but still the thought occurred to me nonetheless.
Only
recently in the MTC did I realize the depth of the second part of my
thought. We were teaching a practice investigator about families and
their eternal nature. I bore my testimony to her, and despite being in
tears I was able to keep my eye contact with her. I was shaking. Near
the end of my testimony I said something I did not intend to say,
something I didn't believe was true but which may actually have been: "I
could not tell you that I know or even believe God is true, or that
Jesus Christ was our Savior, or other things like that. I hope they are
true but I cannot say I believe. But I can tell you that the precious
relationships that we hold in our families can last forever. I believe
that families are eternal..." Now, that's paraphrasing as best I can
recall, but the point is that I did not want to say that but I ended up
doing so anyway. I wasn't sure what to think of it (especially, I
should add, because she told us after I finished that the message of
eternal families wasn't really for her, it was for her parents. She
said it in the nicest possible way, of course, but it was what it was).
It
is only more recently that I had another realization. In the pamphlets
we sometimes give out to investigators, it says that after the Holy
Ghost testifies to us that something is true we need to decide what we
do with this knowledge.
I do not know--four
words that are very hard to say--what I will do with this knowledge. As
Gordon B. Hinkley said, "Of the events which occurred in that area, one
is led to say: 'They either happened or they did not. There can be no
gray area, no middle ground.'" Brothers and Sisters, I know religion
can be a hard thing to think about sometimes. However I also know that
it will not go away if we simply ignore it. We are different people,
but still I extend an invitation to you to think about anything you've
been struggling with. Ponder over it. Pray about it. It can only help
you. I say these words with as much certainty as I can muster, in the
name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
**********
Once we got in the car, I talked to Elder Owen more and shared this with him:
- I previously had told him that I am an optimistic pessimist, which is to say I'm generally happy but I tend to see the bad side of a lot of ideas first.
- I have a duality of belief, which is to say I recognize that religion could or could not be true.
- My spiritual growth has really been the advancement of either "side": I realized at one point that the Spirit could be expressed as strong emotion. This did a few things:
- I could have felt the Spirit before; that means the spirit could be real. If it had to be a distinctly unique sensation, I had not felt it before and so am more inclined to say the gospel is not true.
- Being a feeling, it might not actually be the spirit but originate within me in an odd or unusual fashion, making me think it's something divine.
- Even the confirmations of the Holy Ghost are subject to doubt. I thought the struggle was following what you knew to be true (which it can be), but the struggle is also knowing/believing it is true.
Elder
Owen, in response to this, suggested that I keep a journal of whenever I
feel the spirit. I replied that I felt the spirit when others
opened up and related their struggles--whether at the youth testimonies
at various camps or seminary, when hearing an investigator pray and ask
with all their heart to know if the gospel is true, or otherwise--it is
only when I have reached such a deep empathy with another that my heart
aches for an answer for us, and I feel what I suppose could be
the spirit My problem is, not being a very emotional person, I don't
know if what I'm feeling is just strong emotion. I then confessed to
Elder Owen that, being the logic-based, optimistic pessimist I am, I
don't know if I could ever accept this as a witness of truth. I do not
know if they joy I would feel at accepting and believing the gospel is a
divine witness that "this is right" or if it is my heart, my mind, my
soul--my entire being--rejoicing at finally having reached some
conclusion to this issue which continually torments me.
I
concluded to him that this issue would not cause
me such anguish if I were not here on my mission. Here, I am forced to look a grand
number of people in the eye--good people who, like me, have an almost
desperate hope to believe the message we have given them--I am forced to
look myself in the eye and, being unable to tell them honestly that I
believe, much less know, I instead talk about the blessings it can bring
or how I know others can believe. It hurts.
In Preach My Gospel,
it says on one page that "you cannot convert people beyond your own
conversion." Every time I hit that wall, it hurts. It hurts because I
want--so dearly--to believe. I want to hope. Yet, having an absence of
such joy, and knowing others who stand before me look to me with the
same feelings and hope I can help life them up, I am reduced to bitter
sorrow.
Sometimes I'll think about how my
parents, and my dog, and possibly my siblings--a good number of people I
know and love now--must die before I do. The times I've cried for that
are the closest I've gotten to feeling what I feel facing what I
described above.
Anyway, sorry for being poetic I guess. It's just more fitting or something.
Church
went well; we went to multiple wards and talked to one ward about our
challenge to write your testimony in a Book of Mormon and give it to
someone who needs it. All in all it went pretty well.
August 1st, 2016:
When
I get up in the morning, I'll have a single Pocky stick. As I'm eating
I'll sometimes think, "Maybe today is the day," to which another part
of me asks, "Why?" To which I'll reply, "I don't know."
~later~
Hey
mom & dad, could you please send to me the recipe book I made in home
ec? It has some recipes I'm already familiar
with. Thank you!
Also, woooooooo! It's
p-day! Yay! Granted, we still have to wear our mission clothes today
unless we're doing sports. But still I get my iPad tomorrow and will be
able to be more productive and stuff!
_______________________________
General thoughts: Logan, there are bikes in our mission. So biking is still around.
Photos: Don't have time to figure it out now. [The photo below was sent on 8/16/16]
Bye!!!
 |
| Leaving the MTC! |
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