Week 8 Journal

Following is Garrett's email from his eighth week of his mission. His email address is garrett.brothers@myldsmail.net. Because next week are transfers, please email, but don’t send any mail or packages to his apartment. Either hold off until we know if he’s getting transferred, or send them c/o the mission home:

Utah Salt Lake City East Mission
3487 S 1300 E
Salt Lake City, UT 84106

Week 8 Journal

August 22nd, 2016:

I got the things necessary to make some of the recipes, and I'm pretty excited about it.  I’ll start with chili. It'll smell good.

We had a lesson for tomorrow that we haven't solidified.  We needed to call people ahead of time but we didn't...we essentially forgot about it.  I got stressed by this, so Elder Owen and I talked about it.  I know we can't do everything perfectly, but it's like a teacher: we have so many students to track, but the students only have a few teachers...I don't like forgetting about them, but sometimes I will forget.  However I also feel like I can do things better or differently to forget less.  I know it will come with time, but it's hard.

August 23rd, 2016:

It's amazing how complicated people can be.  Also how tough so many people can have it.  We had an investigator who seemed really interested drop us before we could even have a lesson with him.

It's also amazing just how little people can know, and more amazing how sure they can be that they don't want to hear based on that limited knowledge.  Really, it's like we're Scientology to some people!

The chili turned out pretty well!  It's maybe a little too liquids, but still good.  Yum.

Also, there was another spider tonight.  Uggggggh...it had been so long since the last one, I thought we were done!

August 24th, 2016: 

I’d like to be friends with one of our investigators post-mission. It would be fun to hand out playing video games.  Also I could use more dogs in my missionary work.  People are frustrating.

Our most productive group has been the Spanish Branch.  I don't know way.  I'm trying to review Spanish, but I'm also picking up Dutch!  It's going slow.  "If Ben even man."

Anyway, it's disappointing exactly how few people we can focus on at a time.  10 is too many.  I'm super excited for music!  I can't wait to play whatever my dad sends me, but especially the calm video game tracks.  I focus so well when listening to those.

August 25th, 2016:

Exchanges!  With Elder Richardson.  He had some interesting ideas about the Areabook that differ from Elder Owen's.  So I'm still figuring out how I should use it.

While on this exchange I taught a recent convert who's hooked on family history.  I did a little of my own--more looking than anything else--but I noticed that Grandpa Doug has NO WORK done on his ancestors!  Oyi!  Please do fill that out!  [Note from Ken: I’ve told Garrett how to connect up to that line.] Even if it's only his parents!  Also, Spencer, Chelsea, and Kirsten aren't on the family tree? [Note from Ken: living siblings are not automatically added to FamilySearch.org.]

We visited this crazy member.  I can't remember his name.  Anyway he tried to put my arm in a lock behind my back but I didn't let him.  Apparently he's pointed guns at the other elders before, but he's never been serious.  He's not the smartest. [Really, though: it's just how he messes around.  It's not appropriate, but he's not threatening about it.  Or he doesn't mean to be ~.~]...anyway I'm glad I don't have to deal with that.

 

August 26th, 2016:

Elder Owen and I have talked more.  I'm glad he's willing to talk, even if it's stressful, as it leads to something being done about it.

Also, Elder Owen was just starting call ins when he forgot he already dialed and took a big bite of a cookie.  The elders soon picked up and he had to chew for a good 15 seconds before he could talk.  We all had a good laugh about it.

I speak in the Spanish branch this Sunday.  Not in Spanish.  But still, when Logan gets out here he should be prepared to give at least a few talks!

August 27th, 2016:

We had a lesson with Artemio today--he's a "dry Mormon," totally ready but just will not get baptized--and I gave the closing prayer.  I don't think I've ever prayed so hard! Anyway, just a small spiritual moment.

 

August 28th, 2016:

I think my testimony is stronger, but I couldn't tell you how/why.

I'm getting better at focusing and feeling the Spirit.  This Sunday was better, too--it wasn't as exhausting!

I've talked to Elder Owen more about the Areabook.  It was stressful, but I hope good change comes from it.

Also, we're going to do a nerd war tomorrow, which is super fun!

From my study journal, the 17th:

It occurs to me that I can settle the question of why God would relate spirits who were bound to rebel by examine fatherhood and why parents let their children choose...

"If you have a difficult task before you, Heavenly Father is pleased when you get on your knees and ask for help and then get on your feet and go to work."  True to the faith, 121.

From my study journal, the 22nd:

I'm realizing more and more that everything in the scriptures is so important.  We do not face wicked armies with swords, we probably don't se Angels, or die with every sin, but what I do know is that when we preach the word of God we are saying that we know of a way people could act to improve and bless their lives.  If it's true that "weather by my voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same" is true, would it also make sense that blessings we receive from doing things like quitting smoking, being nicer, etc. are the same, weather by a miracle or a logical and predictable outcome?

I feel like we sometimes get an idea fixed in our heads that some of God's promised blessings are strange; we will "run and not be weary, walk and not faint"?  Angels will come down to minister to us? Next time you are thinking that God has not blessed you, look around!  Just as God testifies to us through the spirit but also through what others may say, just as God may give us guidance through the divine revelation of leaders and scriptures but also through the humble council of friends and family, so it is that God can bless us with literal angels visiting us but also through the quiet, the unnoticed, the expected, and the every day.  So look around, and see God's work.

[by the way, in that entry I misspelled "angels" as "angles" in every instance.  "Literal angles."]

From my study journal, the 24^th, is a draft of a letter that I plan to send to an investigator in our area:

***

Dear Brody:

I asked you earlier about the Myers-Brigs personality test (and I don't know if that's how to spell it).  The reason I've asked you is because each person learns differently.  In this test, people answer questions that determine what type of personality they have, expressed by four letters.  There's Introverted or Extroverted (I or E), Intuitive or Sensing (N or S), Thinking or Feeling (T or F), and Perceiving or Judging (P or J).  Neither trait is better that it's opposite, just different.  I don't have the time or knowledge necessary to explain everything about it, just what I need to make what I will say make sense.

I am an INTJ, or a "rational" person.  I base my mindset strongly off of logic and fact--everything, from how I approach politics to learning to religion.  I have a very different experience with religion than an average person--as you may recall, both Elder Owen and your grandmother said they never really questioned their beliefs, even if they had doubts.  That's not true for me, and if I've perceived you correctly, it's not true for you.

I write to you now to share advice with you.  I will be totally honest: I do not plan to write how God will help us, or how God is wonderful, or the rest of that.  I will discuss a little bit of that, but near the end.  When people told me things like that when I was questioning religion, it didn't really help me much.  All I hope to do is show you how I struggled with religion and hopefully show you a helpful way you could think about it.

Once again, I want to be honest with you.  I write to you not as a missionary as much as a friend, or as someone who cares.  [That is NOT to say that I don't care about people as a missionary, but that it's a different sort of relationships.]  I do really want to play with you after my mission (Overwatch will be out for just shy of two years and so I'll need a lot of help getting into it ;) ).  

However the biggest reason I want to be your friend is because I see myself in you.  When I was your age, I started questioning what I believed. J It was tough, because everyone I was close to was LDS so I couldn't really talk to other people and get another perspective.  So, I did kind of what you did.  While I stayed in Seminary and kept going to church, I was distant from it.  Every time somebody said something spiritual, I'd think "yeah, u-huh.  Sure."

So I write to you to show you a new way of thinking that I hope will help.  However, unlike what you've probably heard from others, I want to help you progress toward something.  It may be that after you consider my words you find that you are mor certain than ever that the church is not true.  I'm okay with that.  Everyone has to choose for themselves what they believe.  All I want to do is get you thinking, because when I was going to church and seminary half-heartedly I wasn't happy.  I very firmly believe that you will be happier progressing toward some conclusion--belief or unbelief--than you would be staying where you are.  [Now, this being said I personally hope you chose to believe, but it's not up to me.]

You may feel like you've already chosen, you're fine, your plans are set, and you've pretty much been there done that.  I will say that religion never "finishes"; you're always going to face new things that cause you to re-examine and change what you believe. You may feel like you don't want to deal with this, that ignoring it will make it better.  It will not--it's like ignoring the waves at the beach as you stand on the shore.  The more prepared you are, the better, but either way a strong wave will come.

Finally, there's something I learned in English class as a senior called "the Principle of Charity."  Basically, it says that whoever you're faced with an argument or a choice (any political issue, religious/moral issue, or even when reading most things), the only way to make a fair judgment is to understand as much as possible.  Because of this, it argues, to truly choose to accept or reject an argument you should first examine it as the author sees it--do not put any of your own doubts or judgments in the way.  After you've studied it to the point of fully understanding the author's views, you may then re-examine it with your own, critically deconstructing it and testing it against questions as much as you wish.

Applied to religion, this means examining the gospel while withholding your doubts.  "Understanding" in this context means more than just knowing as much as possible--it means asking yourself why people who believe in the church say what they say and, more importantly, it means doing the things that the scriptures & prophets say will help you gain a testimony.

I can promise you that as you take the approach, you will feel more at peace.  Whichever answer you end up with, you will be more certain of it than you were before.  However I should note this investigation will do nothing unless you are prepared to change.  This does not mean you will change, but if you approach this with the attitude that no matter what happens, you will not really believe because it isn't true or you will not take action because you don't want to, it will do nothing.  You will be no closer to either answer, and you will just waste your time.

Now, all that being said, here is what may help you.  This is a summary of what I have figured out:

You can't prove the church scientifically, nor can you disprove it.  There's too much doubt about the finding [AKA result] or the finding doesn't have to imply anything as its meaning could be said to do different things, depending on how you look at it.

You can't prove or disprove the church with reason.  One example is evolution: an argument against the church is that evolution has been scientifically proven, so God couldn't have created man.  However the opposite argument is that God created man through evolution, as the Bible doesn't say how God created man, just that he did it.

You can't prove or disprove the church by looking at church leaders or other people.  While church leaders represent the church, they are human and they will make mistakes.  This shows nothing about the gospel nor God, just that people make mistakes.  Similarly, those people cannot give you a copy of their testimony that immediately will make you believe.  As with everything else, you must ponder their words if it is to have any lasting effect.

So, the only way left to figure out religion is a more personal method, from a logic-based standpoint imperfect because there is still doubt.  Once you get to this point, belief becomes a coincidence.  Either it is true or it is not, but at this point you're just trying to decide.  Things like the Spirit can help us choose to believe, but equally so things like doubt can help us choose to not believe.  This is where I'm at--I've chosen to serve a mission and give myself the best shot at understanding the LDS church and gaining a testimony.  Right now I'm choosing to believe, but I've only chosen so because I want the hope of seeing my family again and living after death.  I hope to gain greater faith and more solid beliefs on my mission, but who knows?  It could be that after my mission I don't stay in the church.  But I, and everyone else, will always have to revisit their choice every so often, whatever it is.

Either way, I'd still hope you will think about it.  And either way, I'd still love to game with you ;).

***

Thoughts on week 8:

Hey!  I'm almost done with my first transfer!  16 more to go!

First, to clarify a few things: Brody is a recent convert that we’re working with.  I've written about him before.  Anyway I haven't actually sent him that letter yet, I've just drafted it up.  I need to get to know him better.

Second, things are going pretty well between Elder Owen and me.  I'm just trying new ideas out and missionary work can get frustrating, but we'll always end up talking through it.

Third, I haven't seen too many spiders lately--thankfully.

Fourth, I have lost weight since I entered the MTC.  I wrote before about how I lost 14 pounds, and I think I've been holding that weight.  It's been a mix of less snacking, more exercise, and smaller portions.  Breakfast is usually pretty small because we don't have a ton of time to make it.  We can usually cook something good for lunch, and when people feed us for dinner it's normally beyond the scope of what we could make: a main entre, two or so sides (usually some sort of fruit/vegetables), grain of some sort, and milk/water/juice.

I've been developing my testimony, as you can probably tell from what else I wrote.  I'm enjoying the field so far.  I wish I could have a little more time to type up my journal and write letters, but we're always calling someone or doing something in the car (the drives are short) so I can only do that at home, which is limited.

Following is a photo of a mountain where we went hiking. The other photo was taken while we were at a member's house for a dinner appointment.