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| Baptism of Rita and her sons |
Monday, July 31st,
2017:
For p-day, we had
planned to go golfing, but it didn’t happen. We're not allowed to leave our
apartment earlier than 8:00 am, and all the tee times after that were taken.
However, we did go to
a p-day activity at the zone leader's apartment. It was pizza and
ping-pong at 11:00 am. The arranged tournament dissolved, which is
probably for the better.
We shopped before ping-pong
and emailed after. Our emailing has become dependent on going with other
elders.
Cleaning the
apartment didn't really happen.
We had to leave early
to go to Braxton's house for dinner and a lesson. Here's a thing I never
supposed: Braxton has autism. Whereas people before reminded me of my
siblings, Braxton reminded me of myself. I understood exactly what he was
doing. I had trouble figuring out how to teach to him, though.
We finally met with
Jason, Justin, Paul, and their family; it had been a while. This lesson
went better. The father asked about what being sealed as a family meant;
we're going to study with them so they can learn the answer.
Westin had discarded
a bike Elder Wagley wanted to fix up, so we got Elder Wagstaff to help.
During that, he told us he was recently diagnosed with cancer. Thinking
of my dad, my reaction was that I hope he's ready for a journey. I hope
he recovers.
Tuesday, August 1st,
2017:
Last Friday, we
talked to a sister who I said was the perfect example of a benevolent
non-Mormon person. This got me thinking a lot, and now I’m going to try to
explain. From that conversation, I realized that many religions inspire to do
good. We as missionaries try to lead people to truth, which is really
good. But from this conversation, I realized most experiences, good or
bad, did nothing to prove ("prove") or disprove a religion.
Granted, a religion must make sense, but there must be a way to distinguish
plausibility from truth. And I realized I was still looking for that.
What this meant is I don’t
have a strong foundation for a testimony to stand on. I was convinced of
a greater power, but I didn't know what form that took. I was willing to
discount all my previous experiences, knowing others had similar experiences in
other religions.
This stripped me of
any reason or motivation to care. It really hit this morning,
but I was fading fast before that. I hadn't made an effort to tell Elder
Wagley about it because I went 30 minutes over in studies Saturday morning
looking for the entry where I gained my testimony, to which he responded very
acidicly. I didn't trust him to not attack me for basically saying "I
don't think I have a testimony right now." I didn't have enough
motivation to get into it with him.
It really hit
me this morning. After exercise and clashing against Elder Wagley on
every other thing, I made breakfast and we planned. We don't have the
best planning sessions, even though things happen and we get lots to do.
After that, I progressively moved into the bathroom, where I took a two hour
bath and thought about how little I cared. The things I didn't care
about, whereas I still did care about in my other high-stress times:
- What anyone thought
if I returned home early
- Returning home
early
- Leaving the church,
or what anyone thought about it
I wasn't very upset.
I was sorting through these thoughts logically. I didn't have overwhelming despair
or anything like suicidal thoughts, by the way. Let me make that
clear.
So there I still in
the tub when Elder Wagley told me there was a DL/ZL review we were to Skype into,
and we needed to be at the church in 10 minutes. The bath had gotten cold
and we only have one tub's worth of hot water in the heater, so I got ready.
Elder Wagley said in
passing that I should do personal study. When the DL/ZL review started--half
an hour later than we thought it was--I went to the foyer couch. I didn't
want to study, so I looked for interesting things around. There wasn't
much and my embers hadn't died completely yet, so when I found a copy of True
to the Faith, I started reading. I decided to just look for
things that may help me, skimming through alphabetically. I skipped most
of the larger sections, like "Atonement," so it was odd that I chose
to read "Conversion."
This mentioned
something about fasting--how miracles didn't convert; Alma the younger was only
converted after much prayer and fasting--so I decided to essentially fast until
I got an answer to my crisis of faith (or until I got too thirsty), at which
point I'd quit. The last food I had was a mango bar. It reminded me
of my mom.
Once I got on my
knees and started praying, I remembered the time in previous studies where I
read "Reflections on a Consecrated Life" and the work
guiltless. I don't know why I hadn't remembered it before. I felt an
overwhelming comfort. I checked it against the idea of other people having
experiences in other religions but I knew it was too strong an experience to
disregard (I had mentally fastened on to that fact because I didn't want to
doubt it later). Plus, it felt more like the experiences that I
previously had that convinced me of a greater power. I was comfortable
accepting it, but a little confused that I got an answer so fast. I don't know
if I even closed the first prayer that I said to open the fast before I then
closed the fast.
I got up and got a
drink from the water fountain.
~*~*~*~*~
We returned to the
apartment and had lunch. I wasn't too hungry, so I wrote a card to Ollie
Slade, my nephew, for his first birthday in a few days.
Elder Wagley
proceeded to work on his bike from 1:30-4:45. At first I just waited, but
as time passed I got the phone and texted people, wrote lesson reports, and
caught us up on our to-do list.
Rita had us over for
dinner again. We picnicked outside and ate chili.
The evening passed
with the Winder Single Adult Ward Mission Leader (WML). We caught quite a
few people home, which is great because the WML was super excited.
I've OYM-ed a lot
more now. It's great; I'm glad.
We got in at 9:20 or
so (which we normally do). Elder Wagley worked more n his the bike, and I
wrote in my journal until about 10:40 pm. Elder Wagley got very mad at me
for not going to bed soon after he told me to go to bed; he was working on his
bike until 10:36 before he knew what time it was. He told me that what I
was writing would give me no joy; it was like he was trying to give me the opposite
of a priesthood blessing. I didn't let myself get angry at him.
Wednesday, August
2nd, 2017:
I got to work out at
home this morning. Elder Wagley fixed up the bike again.
We planned for 45
extra minutes during companionship study only to see those plans go
unused. Granted, Elder Wagstaff driving us around at the end of the day
and other delays/unexpected events filled up our schedule, so having the plans
wasn't undesirable.
We tried tracting as
we did phone work in the morning, which kind of worked out. After lunch,
I wasn't feeling my best. Mostly, I was tired. Last night and the
hot weather this morning did it. After lunch, all I could get myself to
do was phone work. My body was okay with that, whereas if I started to
get ready to go out I fear I might have laid down instead. Elder Wagley
worked on his bike as I did phone work; he actually finished it up and rode it
the rest of the day. It's still unstable, however.
Dinner was with the
high councilor over missionary work; he and his family forgot and we were late
to confirm again so they gave us Rancherito's. We did manage to give them
the gift of sanity; they had a malfunction in their security system causing a
chime to go off every five minutes around the clock for four days. I
found the volume option for it and turned it off.
We got some food from
the Wagstaff's garden and biked home. The Wagstaff’s showed us a neat
back-fence shortcut through the cemetery.
A baptismal interview
took up the rest of the night (for the other elders' investigator). The
12th WML wanted to meet with us--rather, visit others with us--but once we
looked to see how far away the interview was, he just gave us a ride because he
was late. We participated in a blessing to the interviewee.
Thursday, August 3rd,
2017:
I was so tired this
morning. I haven't been sleeping well--I've been down most of the night,
but I can recall waking up. I even got to bed a little early last
night! My personal study was slow.
Fortunately, the
housing staff came over to pick up junk from our apartment just before I laid
down. Transfers are so soon.
Rita cancelled our
scheduled lesson, so we did weekly planning. We finished after four and a
half hours. Elder Wagley took charge and while I trailed behind. That’s effective
since there is no other opinion. The plan needs to be fine tuned, but
decisiveness was the key factor.
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| Our area book |
We spent about an
hour on companionship inventory. One thing I learned is continuing an
argument with Elder Wagley when he didn’t want to continue is comparable to
when he was telling me to go to bed last night. By continuing, one hurts
chances of the other following his counsel.
We ate dinner at
home, which is great because we have a lot of leftovers at home. I felt
uneasy in the lower stomach down, so the rest of the night I waited in the
bathroom for my digestive tract to settle down.
We have a wonderful
stake president. He ran a stake correlation for the WMLs of the stake and
you can see how much he cares for the stake and missionary work.
Friday, August 4th,
2017:
This was an odd
day. Elder Wagley prepared for district meeting after personal study, so
I did phone work. That lasted for about two hours, followed by a 105
minute companionship study where we roleplayed for 45 of those minutes. I
feel a lot more prepared to teach lesson five, but I don't really know what to
think.
Lunch and district
meeting followed; the training was on goals. I want to learn how to use
goals more effectively. A successful goal causes me to do more. If
I can master that (with God’s help), I can do anything! The problem is in part
trying to see myself and what's realistic, but the solution seems to be
remembering a goal is a tool and if it does its job, it
works. Different people use goals differently.
We fed ourselves
again tonight and took only 20 minutes doing it. Our lesson with Braxton
was cancelled, so we got to a few people. One was a pretty drunk man who
regrets not being able to join the church. It was an odd conversation,
but I could still see the soul behind him, if that makes sense.
We then waited for
Vahid. His car had broken down, but we didn't know this. We still
had a lesson with him, it just took the rest of the night. It was on
defining words; with Rita's help, we found he needed so much help in
translating, It was amazing he had enough faith to do anything of what we asked
him!
My parents sent me a
package full of protein bars and other food. Thank you! I also got
a letter with drawings from Lily and Rose, which is very sweet of them.
Saturday, August 5th,
2017:
We had our second
sit-down lesson with Louis on the Plan of Salvation. While we twisted it up a
bit, I'm 65% certain Louis is going to be baptized. He really reflected on the
lesson as we taught and all his questions pointed to future principles--he
wants to know more.
Bingo went tell
today. Elder Wagley and I split a burrito, taking turns calling and
eating.
The 12th WML went
with us to the family of five kids (Bella, Adrian, Alex, Andrew, and Austina) that
we're trying to get solid contact with. We talked to their mother and she
was willing to support her kids and bring them to church. The parents or
grandparents need to do something for their children to be successfully taught.
Dinner through the
evening was connected by getting to, attending, and getting from a baptism for
someone Elder Wagley had taught in another area.
We were going to
contact people later, but someone Elder Wagley met on exchanges saw us and
invited us in. Before we knew it, we were being used as mediators in a
dispute. Then the other person called us out because we don't have the
authority to give cousel to others. It was ugly; not horrid, but not
great.
Tonight I learned I’m
being transferred! I don’t know where to yet.Everyone else in the district
except Sister Vaya is staying, including Elder Wagley. I'm okay with leaving
the area; I'll be a little bummed if I go to a slower area, but it's all still part
of the work. I'm going to be glad to have a new companion. Elder
Wagley and I are just not good for each other, at least right now.
Sunday, August 6th,
2017:
13 month milestone
today!
We did an actual
planning and study session today, which I think helped a lot. Our stake
has "family Sundays" where the only meetings are the three-hour
blocks – no auxiliary meetings.
We bore our
testimonies in the first and third wards, it being fast Sunday. We said
the prayers in the first and 13th wards.
We did some
contacting, but we didn't contact as many people as we hoped to. We found a
proper desk and got Elder Wagstaff's help to move it.
The last thing we had
was a lesson with the same family as most Sunday nights. I'm split on
those lessons because it doesn't help our area, but it has a good effect on the
family. I think the ward notices it, though, which is why I haven't tried
to change it.
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| Elder Moe is going home this transfer! |
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| But he'd like to stay longer |
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